What does not kill, torture. 

What is enemy? Oxford dictionary defines enemy as a person who is actively opposed or hostile to us. Think about the enemy, perhaps it is something or someone. I am pretty sure, when our brain nerves receive the word enemy, something or someone will pop up in our mind just like the blown bubbles. Do you dislike your enemy? Don’t deny it, do not pretend that you are saints. Nobody lives in this world free from the bondage of guilt and bitterness, but we have hope. Every now and then, there must be few painful memories that kept on replaying in mind. When the brain hits that replay button, we might start twitching and force ourself to forget. In psychology we call this suppression or motivated forgetting; that is a conscious decision to delay the consideration of unpleasant memories. Does the enemy gives you pain and suffering? Go back to the definition of enemy: ‘a person who is actively opposed or hostile to us‘. Opposition produces hostility, hostility produces pain and pain produces discomfort.  Pain… such a simple word yet produces complex outcomes. The exposure to pain reminds us that we only want one thing, that is vengeance. A vengeance for the pain that caused us to suffer. This is the human nature. Our nature is to fight and vengeance. We fight against something inevitable and give vengeance to what is painful; we want to protect ourselves from getting both physically and mentally hurt. The greatest enemy is not merely someone or something, the greatest enemy of ourself lies within ourselves.

Being exposed to physical pain is not as severe as being exposed to mental pain. Physical pain goes very quickly but mental pain are the thorn in our flesh, it barely goes away. Remember that moment? That moment when your heart and trust is betrayed? To be honest, even the strongest person in the world is still fragile inside. There must be a time when we  lock ourself in the room, wishing to escape from reality, because what we desire and the reality contradicts. I am speaking from female’s perspectives, I understand male and their masculinity. Man don’t like to appear weak, because they are built to protect us, females. A protector shall not be weak. However, despite this fact, the heart is more fragile than crystals, the  brain is like the nuclear code with highest security that is almost impossible for anyone to crack. We are often drown into our emotions. We often let our feelings to lead us. We often act as if everything is fine but deep inside we are experiencing the worst emotional turbulence. 

 Indeed, that particular person is the causation of our pain and suffering, but the real enemy is not them.The greatest enemies of ourself, lies within ourselves.They are self-control, choice and bitterness. There is an explanation why the three words were put in that order and are interlinked. When the reality contradicts with what we want, we often lose control. Remember that time when your feelings and trust is betrayed? It felt like as if it is the end of the world. The collision of pain, sorrows and disappointment produces emotional explosion that is the moment we lose control of ourselves. The moment we lose control, we often make unwise choice. Unwise choices such as overthinking about that problem without finding a wise solutions, and being both physically and verbally abusive can produces bitterness. Bitterness between both parties and ourselves. This bitterness can in turn resulted in self pity. Self pity is the state in your life when you feel worthless, unlovable and depressed. Essential arguments such as: ‘If so, why the reality cannot always be how we want it to be?’ Or ‘If that particular person who caused us to suffer don’t exist we wont lose control and have bitterness’. One strong word that gives explanation to these arguments is choice. It is our choice to have relation with that particular person, it is our choice to feel that way, it is our choice that endanger ourselves. The unwise choice made in life, can put life in danger. 

The greatest enemy lies within ourself but we have hope. Happiness is to be seek and pain is to be avoided.  We seek happiness because we want contentment, we avoid pain because it produces discomfort. Nobody in this world want to live outside the comfort zone unless they are abnormal. You can swallow 10 pills of ecstasy everyday, have lots of money and have a great ‘one night’ with someone yet still feel hollow inside. Why do we feel hollow? Because those things cannot provide you with what we call the true happiness. Those are the camouflage that the world over. The world only give you what is called temporary happiness. A true happiness is not merely a moment of happiness. You can have lots of money but have a broken family, you may have slept with numerous hot chicks/dudes yet don’t understand what it is to love and to be loved; ironic, nobody is perfect. This is the problem of humanity, we never feel satisfied with what we have and always have. The common mistakes that people make regarding this problem is that having a false source of contentment. We often seek contentment through something that is limited. Something that is limited cannot find fulfilment through another limited being. A limited being shall seek the unlimited being for a source of contentment. 

Does it means nobody in this world can never achieve the so-called happiness? I did not say that. There is nothing wrong to aim high in order to achieve more things in life. Patience and optimistic are quite crucial for this in order to survive in life. Self control can be defeated through patience. Patience can be gained through the critical thinking and a thorough estimation towards certain things; weighing which way is more beneficial and wise. Once we are able to dominate our self-control and have it under our control, we will be able to become a wise person. A wise man do not rush into things. John Piper quoted “Impatient people are weak, and therefore dependent on external. Their outbursts of oaths and threats and harsh criticisms of the culprits who crossed their plans do not sound weak. But that noise is all a camouflage of weakness. Patience demands tremendous inner strength”. It is perhaps very easy to say and to write but it is difficult to practice. That is why optimistic also play a crucial role here. Without optimism, it is fairly easy for us to give up. To give up to be a better person everyday.  Life is hard and harsh, without optimism we will just be trapped within the bondage of self pity or accumulated bitterness; that is our enemy. There is nothing wrong to slide left or right from reality. To dream is to built your optimism. 

-K- 14 Dec’16

Edited 22 Dec’16

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